Strange Things About Minnesota that I've Learned from my Students
This past Friday was my last day with my first class of Composition kiddos! As a Kentuckian in the north, where knowledge of Kentucky is severely lacking, one of my favorite classroom activities this semester was discussing the merits of Kentucky vs. Minnesota. I often found myself having to explain things that I thought were common knowledge (like lakes not freezing all the way through, even during the winter or, more importantly, sentence diagramming), and they taught me all about the strange things Minnesotans do and say to keep themselves sane in the frigid north. So here are some of the weirdest things I learned about Minnesota from my students:
1. Duck, Duck, Grey Duck.
Does everyone remember that game you played as kids where you sat in a circle, one person running around tapping each person on the head? As they tapped you on the head, they said, "Duck, duck. . ." And now, all of the sane people in the room will finish that with, "Goose."
But not so in Minnesota. Here, they say "duck, duck, grey duck." Apparently, Minnesotan kids are tricksters, and they like to put different colors in front of the last duck to trip up the other players. So it might be "duck, duck, pink duck, blue duck. . .grey duck!" Why? Just. . .why?
2. Hot dish.
The word "casserole" doesn't exist here. Why? I do not know. Instead, casseroles are called "hot dishes." You'd think this would cause some confusion, since it could refer to any food that is served warm. If I asked you to bring a hot dish to a gathering, you could bring some turkey, steamed vegetables, even a warm pie, and technically speaking, that would fulfill my request. But no—I wanted chicken casserole, or green bean casserole, or sweet potato casserole.
Here's the thing: the word casserole has been put into the English language for a reason. Casserole perfectly describes the kind of hearty food that you would bring to a winter get together—something dripping with gravy in a deep dish pan. So why not use the word for its intended purpose?
3. Ice fishing. . .In houses. On frozen lakes. Where you can sleep.
When I told my students that I thought ice fishing was a solitary activity, where you had a little camping chair propped up next to a tiny hole drilled in the ice and sat there for hours on end, they laughed at me. "Then you would be freezing!" they all exclaimed. "I thought that was the point," I replied. But no, apparently it's not.
These crazy Minnesotans actually drag campers and houses out onto the frozen lake and SLEEP IN THEM OVERNIGHT. I repeat: they sleep in a house on a frozen body of water overnight. They're called "ice houses" and the luxurious ones include carpet, heat, and sometimes even televisions. My question: why not just stay in a cabin that is firmly planted on solid ground that can't break and consume you in icy death at any moment?
4. Lake roads.
"How do you think they get the ice houses out there?" one of my students asks, flabbergasted. I had just questioned why anyone in their right mind would want to drive out onto a frozen lake—or better yet, why it was allowed. They're Minnesotans, and Minnesotans enjoy pushing the boundaries of nature during the winter seems to be the general consensus.
But really, who wants to risk throwing away a car worth thousands of dollars just to cut your commute in half? Or worse, to drown in a watery grave underneath the ice? Not this girl.
The headline from the news story for that second picture was "Unbelievable: 15 cars fall through ice." Spoiler alert: it's not unbelievable—you're driving on an unstable solid that could turn back into a liquid at any moment.
5. Driving snowmobiles. . .on water.
Yes, this is a special brand of crazy. There are real people in my class who had driven snowmobiles on water. If the track is wide enough, according to my students, the snowmobile will fly over the water as if gliding over snow.
The upside? Apparently, you have the speed and dexterity of a jet ski—and the rush of adrenaline that comes from doing something you know you shouldn't be (which I'm now convinced Minnesotans need to survive). The downside? Well, you can't ever stop the snowmobile. As soon as you do, you start to sink and need a boat to haul you out before your ride sinks to the bottom of the lake.
Alright, Minnesotans. I don't want to hear any more criticisms about Kentucky. At least we don't put ourselves in imminent danger on icy lakes all winter long.