5 Observations from a Southerner About Living in the North
So I've been living in Minnesota for an entire month now! And let me tell you, I've been a fish out of water. From the lack of normal grocery stores, to the accents, to the prairies, moving away from Kentucky has been quite a lifestyle change. Here are five serious (or not so serious) observations about living closer to the Great White North than the Bluegrass State.*
*Apologies to any Northerners I offend. These are all well-meaning and in jest!
1. Northerners are unapologetically bad drivers.
Never have I experienced a near death experience every single time I've gotten behind the wheel before now. In Kentucky, if you cut in front of another driver with less than a car length between you, it ends in a middle finger and sometimes a honk. Here, drivers zip between lanes, squeezing into openings that are arguably not small enough for a sedan, much less a freaking SEMI-TRUCK! (That is from personal experience.)
Signs with instructions that I never knew needed to be said to fully-licensed drivers, like "Please merge one at a time" as the right lane was ending, appeared along the highway. I saw two separate people pass another car on a one-lane highway in Michigan as a no-pass zone was approaching, forcing oncoming traffic to swerve off the road to avoid them. I even had a semi-truck pull across a highway as I was hurtling towards them at 75 mph and had to slam on the brakes, almost coming to a complete stop not to hit them—then, they had the audacity to look confused at how angry I was.
2. Do not take Kroger for granted.
Kroger is undeniably the most wonderful place to buy groceries in the U.S. From its actually-useful rewards system (that includes sometimes getting up to an entire dollar off gas), to the reasonably priced and extensive organic section, to the overall balance between quality and price, Kroger can't be beat.
But up here in Mankato, MN, that paradise of groceries does not exist. I'm forced to choose between Walmart, Cub Foods, and Hy-Vee, none of which share the charm of Kroger's well-lit, organized aisles and quality control.
3. Northerners aren't emotionally expressive.
Now, Kentucky is nothing compared to somewhere further south, like Texas, when it comes to big drama, big voices, and big personalities—but if I'm the most expressive person in a room, you know Northerners must be a stoic people. Seriously, I don't know if I've heard someone who's louder than me, and that's saying something. People also seem to speak in negatives instead of just expressing emotion outright—ie. "It could be worse," if something is good.
4. The accent.
Is it Canadian? Why are all of the O's so elongated? What's with pronouncing both like "bolth"?
I need answers.
5. The drinking culture is strongly encouraged.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that not all college towns are like Wilmore, where seeing a bunch of Asbury students drinking would prompt gossip at best and expulsion at worst. However, whereas drinking socially is a pastime that many in the South enjoy (and it's a staple of a college student's activities in a place like Lexington, KY), drinking in the North seems to be a lifestyle. To not drink is to immediately identify yourself as a foreigner. Whenever I tell anyone here that I don't drink (I just don't like the taste of alcohol), they look at me as if I have three heads. Back home, people normally assume I don't drink for religious reasons, but here, it seems that there are no acceptable reasons not to partake in a beer at your local brewery.
Southerners like to joke that Northerners have to drink a lot to stay warm and survive the winter—and I'm just saying, it might be true.
Bonus:
Please enjoy this snack that I found in a hardware-slash-Walmart-hybrid store in Michigan. You can't say the North isn't patriotic too.